Am I angry or just hungry? A case study in emotional regulation

I used to think I had an anger problem. Turns out, I just had a lunch problem.

Seriously—half my emotional spirals could’ve been avoided with a sandwich. Or a nap. Or five minutes of silence without someone saying, “quick question.”

Emotional regulation sounds so noble and mature until you realize it mostly comes down to keeping your basic needs met. Like, sure, I’ll breathe through the frustration—once I’ve stopped vibrating from caffeine and remembered to drink water.

One time, I had a full-blown existential spiral because someone scheduled a meeting over lunch. Not on purpose. Not maliciously. But my entire system short-circuited. I smiled through the call, said all the right things, and then closed my laptop and stared at the wall like I had just survived something.

Because I had. I had survived me, with low blood sugar and zero boundaries.

We talk about emotional regulation like it’s some mystical self-mastery. But sometimes it’s just noticing that you haven’t eaten, slept, or peed in six hours. You’re not failing—your body is.

Or more accurately, your life logistics are failing your body.

Because let’s be real: it's hard to pause and reflect when you’re overstimulated, underslept, and trapped in a fluorescent-lit workplace with no snack drawer. I can’t reframe my core beliefs when my nervous system is running on fumes and adrenaline.

Also, can we talk about how easy it is to confuse regulation with suppression? Like, I didn’t raise my voice in that meeting—yay me! But I also dissociated so hard I forgot what city I was in.

Is that regulation? Or am I just getting really good at disappearing?

These days, I’m trying to get honest with myself. Did I actually handle that situation well, or did I white-knuckle my way through it and call it growth? Did I respond thoughtfully, or did I just go blank and call it peace?

Sometimes emotional regulation looks like walking away. Sometimes it looks like setting a boundary. And sometimes it looks like eating a damn sandwich before you start unraveling.

So yeah, I’m not angry.

I’m just hungry. And maybe also emotionally flooded. But mostly hungry.